This is a bit of a continuation of the “It’s Not for the Money” post that I wrote a couple of weeks ago. In that post I was responding to some comments about us using James as a way to make money that were made on the photo collage below that Stacy posted on James’ Facebook page for his birthday.
In this post I want to address some other things that were said on that Facebook post. In addition to those “trying to make money off of James” comments, there were also a few nasty comments that Stacy quickly reported and deleted. While we are able to delete the comments made directly on the post on James’ Facebook page, we are unable to delete the comments that people make once they share it to their page. Our only option is to report it and see if Facebook takes it down. A few hundred people have shared James’ birthday picture collage, and while most of those were simple shares with nothing added, there were some like this saying that James should be euthanized:
And that wasn’t the only one. There were over a dozen more. I will share some of those here, along with the comments made on each one. Note that these screenshots are not edited in any way. I will include a screenshot of the share, which clearly shows the date that it was shared. Under the share, I will include the comments made. Here you will notice that the comments were made 12w (12 weeks) ago. This is because I took these screenshots in late November, which was 12 weeks after James’ birthday collage picture was shared. I have chosen not to blur out any names on these screenshots, because a) it would take too long, and b) because these comments were made on a Facebook post that is viewable by anyone.
There are a lot of screenshots here, so I don’t expect you to read all of the comments, but please read a few of them. As you read through them, you will notice that they all had to be translated. From what I can tell, it looks like all of these people that are calling for James to be euthanized are from South American countries like Brazil. I didn’t even know James had such a following in South America.
If you don’t want to read through all of the comments, simply click on the Skip to My Thoughts links I have placed below each set of screenshots. This will take you down to the bottom of this post where I will share my thoughts about these comments.
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How many of those comments did you actually read? There were quite a few, so I didn’t expect you to read them all. After reading some of those comments, how do you feel? Disgusted? Mad? Sad? Angry? I felt all of those same emotions…and then some. Stacy did, too. Fortunately for James, he is unable to understand any of this, which I think is a benefit, and not a deficit. That is one advantage he has over the rest of us. Imagine how different your life would be if you didn’t see all of the bad and evil things in the world.
Let me share a few of my thoughts and feelings about these comments. The first couple of times I read them, they made my blood boil. I was beyond angry. Then I walked away and said, “these people are idiots”. They can’t possibly know everything there is to know about James just by looking at the pictures and videos that we post on his Facebook page. Then I realized that some of these people haven’t even been to James’ Facebook page at all. They just saw James’ birthday collage on a friend’s or someone they follow Facebook page, read some of the comments that were already made, responded to those comments, or added their own opinions.
Several of the commenters put themselves in James’ shoes and said things like they wouldn’t want to live this way, or if they ever ended up in the state that James is in that they would want to end their life. I had similar thoughts after James was born. I felt bad for him because he was stuck in this broken body. One of James’ NICU doctors said something that made me feel a bit better about James’ situation. I don’t remember his exact wording, but it was something like “James has always been like this. He doesn’t know any different. He’s not like you and me who had all their faculties and then lost them. He didn’t have them to begin with.” I am going to assume that you are “normal” and have full control of your body. Now let’s say that you are involved in an accident and become paralyzed in part of or in your entire body. That would be very traumatic for you, wouldn’t it? One day you were able to do all these things, and the next you were not. Now imagine that you were not able to do those things in the first place. You wouldn’t know what you were missing out on, so it wouldn’t be traumatic at all, would it? That’s what James’ life is like. He has never been able to do many things, so he doesn’t know what he’s missing.
In response to those comments that James is suffering, or in pain, or being tortured for being in the shape that he is in, we do not believe he is. James was born this way. From day one, Stacy and I have done everything we possibly can to give him the best, most comfortable life that he can have. It sucks that he was created this way, and we really wish he hadn’t been. When Stacy and I got married and started talking about starting a family, we pictured ourselves having two kids (a boy and a girl), a dog, and a house with a white picket fence. Cliché, I know, but that’s what we envisioned. This is nowhere near the life we had planned; this was the life that was chosen for us, and we have chosen to make the best of it. What other choice do we have? Discard James like a piece of garbage? That’s not even an option.
Let me throw a little spin on this. What if James isn’t the one that is suffering, but Stacy and I instead? In her “previous life”, Stacy was a teacher. She loved it but had to give it up when James was born to become his full-time caregiver. She wanted to have a daughter whose hair she could braid just like her mom did to her hair when she was growing up. That dream was shattered when James was born. As for me, I wanted a son that I could teach to ride a bike, play catch with in the yard, and work on projects around the house. I didn’t get any of that. Stacy and I will also never be able to see James go off to college, fall in love, get married and have kids of his own. We will never have grandkids to spoil. And because James and I are the only males left in my family, there will be no further branches on our family tree.
In the beginning we were a bit bitter seeing our siblings and friends having normal kids, knowing that James would never be able to do the things that they would be able to do, or even be able to play with them. But we made a choice. We could either be angry and resentful, or accept the fact that James is disabled and make the best of the situation. We chose the latter. We don’t know why James was born the way that he was, but there must be a reason.
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- Maybe it was to teach us not to take anything for granted, and to be grateful for the things that we have and are able to do.
- Maybe it was to introduce us to people that we would have never met otherwise…and we have met a lot of wonderful people because of James.
- Maybe it was to teach us to be better people and show more compassion towards other human beings.
We may never know the reason James was born with so many issues, but we trust that it wasn’t an accident and that it’s all part of God’s master plan.
